What Am I Teaching This Kid?

I have the utter inability to contain my laughter, even in the most inappropriate of situations. I have a long history of laughing at the worst times during a lecture or reinforcing naughty behavior in my kids. I truly cannot help it. Try as I might, I cannot build an inner dam strong enough to hold back my giggles. My husband says that there is no hope for me and he's right . Our son is a really sweet, empathetic, well-behaved kid (like his mom, he's not a rule-breaker) but he has had some moments at school where he has been the "silly kid" or shall we say, "class clown". I think some responsibility for that lays directly on my shoulders. A little on my history...

As far back as I can remember, I was always getting in trouble for laughing in class. I was never a rule-breaker (still to this day), but I did get disciplined for fighting the laughs. I would try everything to stop myself, biting the insides of my cheeks, stabbing my pencil into my leg, thinking about something sad and dire, but nothing worked. I can still laugh today thinking back to my Freshman year in high school. One day, my language arts teacher decided to spice things up in class a bit and wake us up from our boredom by acting out a fight scene from Romeo and Juliet. With great fervor, he attacked a chair with a ruler. In doing so, he slipped, fell, and farted. Come on, how could I possibly NOT laugh? Here's the thing though. I nicknamed him "Mr Butterbuns" and laughed about it every single day for the rest of the year. Everyday, I walked into class and swore that I wouldn't laugh, and I failed, BIG TIME. Fast forward 10 years when I am in class, as a 24-year old, getting my teaching credential (oh, the irony!). I am in class when my friend starts making some lame jokes about farting on my toothbrush (unfortunately, you read that right). Oh no, the tidal wave of laughs was unleashed. Yes, I have a very sophisticated sense of humor. I know it's a total dud of a joke now, but for some reason, it hit me that day. Here's the worst part, the next day our professor approaches us, very upset. Of course, she addresses me as the main part of her problem. "I know you were laughing in class yesterday and I think it's wrong and inappropriate to laugh at my accent. English is my second language." Oh no, do I really have to explain this? I'd rather by known as a girl with a base-level sense of humor than what she was suggesting. I had to come clean (it was mortifying). "Listen, I would never laugh at someones accent. I am telling you the truth when I say that I was laughing at a very childish, crude joke." She pushed me further and I had to admit that I laughed at the idea of flatulence of a dental hygiene device. She looked at me with such disgust. Not only did she think I was a liar but was that really the best that I could come up with?

I got in trouble so many times over the years. I would fight back my giggles during meetings with my boss, who was the VP of the company (it was only the two us in the meeting, too, I'm pathetic). To this day, I laugh during every massage that I get because I think back to a story that my friend told to me. During a rubdown, his masseuse bent his knees to his stomach, causing him to cut the cheese on the table. HA! I will laugh at the weirdest times during a massage just thinking about it and have to awkwardly say, "Sorry, I am just ticklish". Even when they are like 6 feet away...

I can't control my responses when I am the student and I even have trouble even when I am the teacher. I had a group of 4th graders that named their team, "Cheetah's Anus". I told them to try again and to be more appropriate. Their next attempt was "Rings Around UrANUS". I bolted from the table and pretended to reorganize a cabinet while I pulled myself together. I really am the worst! Don't get me started about the time a kindergartner dropped an F-bomb in class.

With Little Man, I have to pull in my husband when my son says something funny but not something we want him to repeat. I found out this summer that my problem is genetic (it's not my fault! right?). My Dad was sitting at the dinner table with us when Little Man said something hilarious (but not acceptable). As I was explaining to my son why he couldn't say that, I look to my dad, laughing quietly with a dish towel over his head to hide his reaction. I was doomed from birth, really. When out to dinner one night, my son farted (accidentally) at the dinner table in front of our waiter. I said, "what do you say?" which is my prompt for him to say "excuse me". Instead he said, "Mommy, it's not nice to blame your farts on me." HA HA HA! That is funny stuff! But it's not nice to lie, and I couldn't encourage that. Especially with the waiter looking at me like I was the lowest of the low, blaming my gas on my son. Cue my exit to the bathroom while my husband stepped in. I'm worthless in these situations. If you're funny, mommy cannot tell you no without a suppressed grin on her face. Last summer, my son walked into school and told his teacher that his brother "Likes to cut the Babybels"! I was dying! Get it? Babybels, like mini-cheeses because he's a baby and his farts are tiny? Too funny. My son's teachers had to stop him from rhyming kid's names into nicknames after he came up with "Tuna" for one girl in class. The poor girl! The worst part is that the first time his teacher told me about it, you can only guess my reaction...